Viv Richards v Greg Thomas
This incident took place during a county championship match between Glamorgan and Somerset. Glamorgan paceman Thomas had beaten Richards' bat a couple of times and informed him: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering."
The very next ball Sir Issac Vivian Andrews Richards gave him the royal treament and smashed the ball out of the ground, into a nearby river - at which point he piped up: "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and fetch it."
When Botham took guard in a Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife and my kids?"
Worth remembering Ian Botham's reply"The wife's fine. The kids are retarded !"
Sunil Gavaskar
Once, during the tour of West Indies, a young bowler was trying to get under Gavaskar's skin by sledging. Gavaskar, a senior player retorted "Son, don't waste time sledging at me. I have been sledged at more often than you have taken a piss".
Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes
Glen McGrath, employing gamesmanship tactics tried to get under the skin of Zimbabwe player Eddo Brandes. He ran up to Brandes during a follow through and enquired: "Oi, Brandes, why the hell are you so fat?" Without missing a beat, Brandes replied "Cos every time I f**k your wife she gives me a biscuit"
Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing and missing the first ball. Mark - “Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh it then, you’re f (_)cking useless now”. Parore- (Turning around) “Yeah, that’s me and when I was there you were going out with that
old, ugly sl(_)t and now I hear you’ve married her. You dumb cuuntt”.
Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, “Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it.”
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall : “Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?”
The year was 1989, the little master had recently made his debut in Pakistan. Sachin not even old enough to get a driving licence Sachin Tendulkar was facing the best bowlers in the business. As the Pakistani crows jeered and mocked Sachin holding out the placards saying ""Dudh Pita Bhachcha ..ghar jaake dhoodh pee", (hey kid, go home and drink milk), Sachin sent the then young leg spinner Mustaq Ahmed hiding for cover (he had hit two sixes in one over. The frustaded mentor of Mustaq Ahmed the legendary Abdul Qadir challenges Sachin saying "Bachchon ko kyon mar rahe ho? Hamein bhi maar dikhao` (`Why are you hitting kids? Try and hit me.`).
Sachin was silent, since then we all have come to know that he lets his bat do the talking. Abdul Quadir had made a simple request and Sachin obliged, and how. Sachin hit 4 sixes in the over, making the spinner look the kid in the contest. The over read 6, 0, 4, 6 6 6, David had felled Goliath ... and a legend was born.
Mark Waugh was standing at second slip, Adam Parore relatively new to cricket came to the crease played & missed the first ball.
Mark Waugh- "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t then, you're fu*king useless now".
Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt". “
In one of the tour matches in South Africa, Australia played Hansie Cronje's province. Cronje was at the non strikers end, there was a short chubby batsman on strike.
Ian Healy yelled to Warne, "Bowl a Mars Bar half way down...We'll get him stumped"
The Aussies and Cronje were all in hysterics, all this was before a classic reply from the batsman.
The exact words: "Nah, Boonie (David Boon) fielding at short leg will be onto it before I can move."
In an England v Australia Test during early 1960's Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion. As a new batsman came out he turned to shut the gate,
Trueman said "Don't bother son, you won't be out there long enough."
In the 1980's Ian Botham returned early from a tour of Pakistan, and on radio joked "Pakistan is the sort of country to send your mother in-law to." Needless to say the Pakistanis did not find this amusing, and when Pakistan defeated England in the 1992 World Cup Final, Aamer Sohail told Ian Botham "Why don't you send your mother-in-law out to play, she cannot do much worse."
Freddie Trueman & Raman Subba Row
Fearsome English fast bowler Fred Trueman extraced an edge from the batsman, which flew straight into the hands of Raman Subba Row at first slip. The ball however went right between Row's legs to the third man boundary. Fred didn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambled past Trueman and apologised sheepishly. "Sorry Fred. I should've kept my legs together". Trueman retorted in classic fashion "Not you, son. Your mother should've!"
Ravi Shastri v/s the Aussie 12th man , Mike Whitney
Shastri hits the ball towards Whitney and tries to steal a single. Whitney snaps up the ball quickly avoiding the single and yells "Get back into your f***ing crease or I'll rip your f***ing head off". Unfazed, Shastri responds, "Mike, if only you could bowl as well as you can talk, you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man"
Bill Lawry & Richie Benaud
While commentating during a match in which Pakistan was faring badly in all departments of the game, Bill Lawry, offering a solution said "I think Pakistan's problem is they've got to relax", to which
Benaud replies nonchalantly, "I don't agree. I think Pakistan have got to learn how to bat, bowl and field. It's a simple game."
David Hookes & Tony Greig
Centenary Test in Melbourne 1977. A young David Hookes makes his way to the crease in his debut test. The English captain was South African born Tony Greig.
Greig : "When are balls going to drop sonny"
Hookes : "Don't know but at least I'm playing Cricket for my own country"
James Ormond & Mark Waugh
James Ormond (England) had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh(Australia).
Mark Waugh :"F*** me, look who it is! Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England"
James Ormond : "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family"
Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne
South African Daryl Cullinan was making a comeback into the team after spending 2 years on the sidelines due to injury and poor form. As he made his way to the wicket at the start of his innings, The "porky" Aussie leggie Shane Warne tried to unsettle him and play on his nervousness "I have been waiting 2 years for this opportunity to humiliate you in front of your own crowd". Cullinan, not new to such tactics replied "Looks like you spent it eating".
The spontaneous retort sent even the aussie slip fielders into delirium who were seen lying on the ground clutching their stomach all the while as McGrath retraced his steps to the start of his run-up for his next delivery
Robin Smith & Merv Hughes
During 1989 Lords Test, Smith plays and misses a few, at which Hughes comments: "Robin, you can't f**king bat". As luck would have it, Smith dispatches the next ball to the boundary and replies "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl."
Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed Miandad called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls latter Merv dismissed Javed and as he ran past the departing batsmen in his victory celeration, called out "Tickets please"
Merv Hughes & Viv Richards
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes at the end of every delivery would stare at Richards without saying a word. After a few of these stares, Richards chides Merv saying "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but sure enough, had him dismissed and announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k off."
Ian Healy & Arjuna Ranatunga
Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney. Seizing a chance to indulge in mind games, Ian Healy made the legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel Nine microphones for all the world to hear: "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!"
Steve Waugh & Parthiv Patel
This happened during India's tour of Australia in 2001. The series was level at 1-1. It was the 5th and final test at Sydney and India was 4 wickets away from a historic series victory on Aussie soil. However, the aussie Captain, Steve Waugh was proving a thorn in India's back. Playing in his last test match (as he had announced retirement), he mounted a rear-guard action and was fighting for a draw, and was the only one who stood between India and victory. In an attempt to induce him to do something foolish, the 16 year old Indian wicket keeper chirps " Hey Steve, how about one of those famous slog sweep of yours before you leave forever?". Waugh, a veteran of such tactics replied " Sonny! You better show some respect! You were pooping in your diapers when I made my debut"
McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: “So what does Brian Lara’s dick taste like?”
Sarwan: “I don’t know. Ask your wife.” McGrath (losing it): “If you ever F(_)cking mention my wife again, I’ll F(_)cking rip your Fing throat out.”
